Thoughts, meds, and psychological fun

It's been an interesting couple of weeks.

I feel like an old person, seeing I have like 4 or 5 seperate pill bottles in my purse (and I can't mix them, seeing 2 look very similar, and my God, it'd be bad if I messed them up) But, I am on the road to them figuring out what is wrong with me, which is cool. My psychiatrist said she thinks my problem has been there as a ticking bomb waiting for a light for it's fuse, and the miscarriage sparked enough to light it. Which, makes sense. I've always been an anxious person. Always on edge, never relaxed. Though oddly, people find me very happy-go-lucky most of the time. I try to stay positive, even when I don't think it's particularly true. As she assured me I wasn't insane, that I had been through one of the most hell-bent 6 months she's heard in awhile of someone who is my age. My healthcare provider sent me a letter saying they approved me to get psychological help. Which is nice, maybe my co-pay will go down. I am not sure what all is entitled in that. Zach, God bless his saintly heart, has been there for me every step of the way, telling me I will be fine, and no matter what, I will always be that woman he fell in love with and married. I am afraid that I will not be myself. But he pointed out to me, the anxiety is not what makes me what I am, and it is not what makes me attractive and appealing to him. That alone made me feel better. I know he feels useless sometimes through all this. But he is my rock. I know he will love me forever until the day he dies, whether I am alive or not. I will always love him in my heart, no matter what. It is amazing we will be married 10 months next week.It seems like yesterday. In our marriage so far, we've gone through so much already. If we can weather this, we can weather everything.

More later, ladies and gents... My meds are hitting, and I may need to lay down soon. Love you all :)

~Susan

Simulated Susan

If you know me, one thing I love? Simulation games. The greatest of? The Sims.

I am currently downloading the Sims 3 (Legally, digital download)

I may survive

Woo!