My heart is broken.

Yesterday after a long 4 hour trip back from Moores Hill, we arrived at our doctor's appointment. Brimming with excitement, but being my nervous self. We sat down for our 9:30 appointment in the waiting room. Around 10:45, we get called in.

I laid down on the table, he began to look for the heartbeat with the Doppler. Nothing. No big deal, right? So we went for an ultrasound. They figured I miscalculated my due date as the baby was much smaller than expected. So we went in for a more detailed ultrasound.

The technician sighs anxiously, turning the screen slightly more away from me. She measured the baby at 7 weeks, 5 days., the yolk sack measuring 8w 5d. My heart broke as I saw and sensed the tech's frustration, and the Doctor patted me on the arm and said he'd tell me what was up when I was all done.

I head into the next room, knowing in my heart that this isn't good, breaking into a heavy sob. The doctor gives me a box of tissues, and tells me all the details of how it isn't my fault, how he is sorry, and how my baby is no longer with us. I watched Zach's heart just crush into a thousand pieces as he had kept optimism that there was just a problem. The doctor proceded to get me an appointment for an immediate D and C at the urgent care center nearby, and wrote me some prescriptions. As the baby had been sitting not growing for 5 weeks, much longer would be toxic for me. I wasn't miscarrying naturally. My body didn't know what to do. He said the chromosonial problem that probably caused it is very common in young first time mothers. Most women just think their period came late, and it doesn't carry on that far.

We go to the emergency center, I go to lay down. I get many sad nurses that try to comfort me, giving me hot blankets after I changed into my hospital gown. I laid in my bed in my little room, with Zach sitting next to me. Zach calls to make sure to not be on call, I hear him crackling, trying not to cry, trying not to fall apart just mentioning I am going to lose our baby. Not that he blames me, but he was afraid for me. The nurse leaves, saying she will be back once my IV is in. The next nurse finds a vein in my hand to put an IV in, and starts a sailene drip. She smiles and leaves. We wait as the lady in the next room is also having the same thing, so we wait our turn. It is 2 now, and the lady comes to wheel me off. Zach goes to wait. The next hour is a blur as they got me situated in the surgery room, and the they administer anesthesia. I wake up to be in the recovery room, feeling like a bundle of crap. They give me some pain medication, so I felt a bit better. Zach and I head home. Our hearts are heavy.