Something of Distraction

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. --
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[x] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[ ] I'm in school or university.
[ ] I have a job
[ x I've fallen asleep at work/school
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I've had measles

Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[x] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[x] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from MySpace/LiveJournal
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[x] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[ ] I'm single
[x] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[x] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now. sometimes i miss myself. does that count?
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger. church, wouldn't really call it sexual..
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[ ] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light. not me personally...
[x] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[x] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[x] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[x] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[x] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[x] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.
[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[x] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[x] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[x] I own multiple designer purses.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[x] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap
[x] I own something I got on eBay.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[x] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news. sometimes.
[ ] I don't kill bugs. v
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower
[ ] I am a morning person.
[x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[x] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes. sometimes.... ><
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[x] I'm good at remembering names.
[x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

My heart is broken.

Yesterday after a long 4 hour trip back from Moores Hill, we arrived at our doctor's appointment. Brimming with excitement, but being my nervous self. We sat down for our 9:30 appointment in the waiting room. Around 10:45, we get called in.

I laid down on the table, he began to look for the heartbeat with the Doppler. Nothing. No big deal, right? So we went for an ultrasound. They figured I miscalculated my due date as the baby was much smaller than expected. So we went in for a more detailed ultrasound.

The technician sighs anxiously, turning the screen slightly more away from me. She measured the baby at 7 weeks, 5 days., the yolk sack measuring 8w 5d. My heart broke as I saw and sensed the tech's frustration, and the Doctor patted me on the arm and said he'd tell me what was up when I was all done.

I head into the next room, knowing in my heart that this isn't good, breaking into a heavy sob. The doctor gives me a box of tissues, and tells me all the details of how it isn't my fault, how he is sorry, and how my baby is no longer with us. I watched Zach's heart just crush into a thousand pieces as he had kept optimism that there was just a problem. The doctor proceded to get me an appointment for an immediate D and C at the urgent care center nearby, and wrote me some prescriptions. As the baby had been sitting not growing for 5 weeks, much longer would be toxic for me. I wasn't miscarrying naturally. My body didn't know what to do. He said the chromosonial problem that probably caused it is very common in young first time mothers. Most women just think their period came late, and it doesn't carry on that far.

We go to the emergency center, I go to lay down. I get many sad nurses that try to comfort me, giving me hot blankets after I changed into my hospital gown. I laid in my bed in my little room, with Zach sitting next to me. Zach calls to make sure to not be on call, I hear him crackling, trying not to cry, trying not to fall apart just mentioning I am going to lose our baby. Not that he blames me, but he was afraid for me. The nurse leaves, saying she will be back once my IV is in. The next nurse finds a vein in my hand to put an IV in, and starts a sailene drip. She smiles and leaves. We wait as the lady in the next room is also having the same thing, so we wait our turn. It is 2 now, and the lady comes to wheel me off. Zach goes to wait. The next hour is a blur as they got me situated in the surgery room, and the they administer anesthesia. I wake up to be in the recovery room, feeling like a bundle of crap. They give me some pain medication, so I felt a bit better. Zach and I head home. Our hearts are heavy.

Pregnant Progression

How far along? 12w3d
Total weight gain/loss: Down 4
Maternity clothes? Pants so far.
Stretch marks? Not that I didn't previously have.
Sleep: If I had more than one God, it would be one of them.
Best moment this week: Getting a spa treatment for Mother-to-be day :)
Movement: None yet
Food cravings: Mmm, Chimichangas.
Gender: I'm leaning towards a girl, but we'll see.
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: sleeping on my stomach.
What I am looking forward to:Friday's heartbeat hearing
Weekly Wisdom: Sleep is a wonderous thing.
Milestones: Made it to second trimester!

100

100 things, the ones I have are bolded.


1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors (some of them, anyway)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby (working on it)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

62/100 isn't bad for a 21 year old.